For your reading pleasure: bullets.
- Freaking mice, taking over the freaking planet. I've lived the entirety of my life with only fleeting interactions with the bastards, but now suddenly they are everywhere - and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere, including my last safe refuge: my childhood home. The discovery of mouse poo in the front entryway came mere weeks after my parents put down the satanic and schizophrenic Beatrix Kittylove. Is this her revenge? Is this the doings of BHO? Is this the gay agenda?
- Bears are all over the place all of a sudden, falling out of trees, stalking people on campus, biting people on their juicy thighs. Bears, people. When are you going to wake up and realize this isn't just a coincidence!
- I saw in the news the other week that BHO once again addressed our nation's schoolchildren. Remember when he tried to pull that stunt last year? Remember when he tried to tell our kids to wash their precious little god-given hands?!? I don't have kids but if I did they wouldn't have gone to school to listen to that crap. That crap belongs in the home! No one tells my kids to wash their hands except me, and I'm not going to because that's what commies do. Anyway I apparently was the only person to even notice this stunt this year. Wake up sheeple! (Is it okay to say that now, or is it outdated?)
- I bet you $500 that I get a cat within a year. Take that BHO! Take that Gay Agenda! My cat will eat your mice!
- My summer was faaaabulous, thanks. In addition to seeing someone pooping in the Northside pedestrian overpass, I: rode my bike all over the doggamn town, and... that's all, actually. It seemed fun and eventful while it was happening.
- The highlight of my summer was seeing someone pooping in the Northside pedestrian overpass. Remember when Missoula made it illegal for everyone other than gays and scallywags to use the bathrooms? IS THIS WHAT THEY WANTED? SEE WHAT WE HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO.
- I have decided this: PBR makes me feel gross. I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and had not one or two or three etc. beers but FIVE and I was FINE. I wasn't hardly drunk at all, except for that part in the middle that I don't remember much about, but by the time I went to bed I was FINE and I didn't wake up at 3 in the morning like I usually do when I drink and I didn't feel bad AT ALL the next day because it wasn't PBR that I drank. One week later I went to a rock and roll show and had a PBR giantboy and didn't even drink the whole thing and I felt like poo the whole rest of the goddamn week. PBR makes me feel like I'm made of gravel and have mad cow disease and I shan't drink it anymore.
- I have the power to participate in the homecoming parade this year with two separate entities and I bet I'll refuse to do anything. I marched in that parade once and felt dumb. Every other year I've slept through it and been okay with that.
- If you are lucky enough to get a Christmas present from me this year, it will be crab apple jelly. If the crab apples fall through, it will be nothing.
Thanks for reading!
